Sunday, May 9, 2010

Starting over

Since I got married I've been on an endless stream of trying to lose weight. On February 3rd, 2009 it stopped being about just me wanting to feel better in my skin, it became about the new life I brought into the world. I had indulged myself in anything my pregnant heart desired for nine months, and giving birth didn't get rid of all that extra weight that I gained while I was pregnant (forget about the extra weight I was carrying before I got pregnant). Loosing weight requires more than just thinking about eating healthy food, it requires commitment, change, and dedication. Those are all things I have a difficult time with.

On January 31st, 2010 I lost my mom suddenly and unexpectedly. Until she died, I had been doing really good with my mission. I had lost 13 pounds, and was doing 45-60 minutes on the Wii Fit 6-7 days a week. I felt really good. Then she died. I gave up. I didn't want to do it anymore, I wanted to eat chocolate until I burst, I wanted to sit on my butt and cry because I missed her. But missing her won't keep me around longer for my little one. In order to outlive her, and to carry on her legacy as long as I can means CHANGING my life.

I miss my mom so much it hurts, but she would want me to be healthy, she would want me to show my little one how to live a healthy life.

I need to lose the weight for myself. I want to lose weight. I tried on some summer dresses this weekend, and was waiting for the mirror to shatter in the ickyness that is my post-baby body. I love the stretchmarks that are from the way my body grew and changed and nurtured my little one, but I hate the ones that are from the extra weight I carry on my body (and yes, I do know which are which).

My changes:

I joined Weight Watchers, again. But this time I will be doing both meetings and their online e-tools.
I am planting a garden by the end of this month. I will be planting beans, and peas, tomatoes, and squash. I will be EATING said veggies.
Eating breakfast! When I was a skinny little wisp of a girl I would eat like 5 different breakfasts. Now? Well, now I'm lucky if I even eat ONE!
Not finishing little ones meals and snacks.
Healthy snacks (fruit and veggies) for me and little one. If he sees me eating them than my hope is he'll be more open to them as well.
More home cooking (I cook a lot as it is, but I need to do more), and weekly meal planning.
Taking advantage of the recipe maker on etools.

My struggles-

PORTION SIZE! One of my mommy friends suggested keeping a set of measuring cups out to measure everything. I think I'm going to take that advice!
Chocolate. I LOVE chocolate. If I smell, think, or see chocolate, my mouth begins to water and next thing I know it's flowing like the mighty Mississippi River, and then...well then said chocolate is melting in my mouth!

What I already do-

I only use whole wheat flour.
We only eat brown rice.
I only buy whole wheat pasta.
We only eat whole wheat bread.

My hope is that I'll learn, and grow (well shrink) from this. This blog is to help me vent my frustrations and the challenges I meet in my everyday life that make weight loss difficult.  Plus to share all the positives in my life that make it worthwhile!

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